Behold, pathetic mortals, a vampire’s data visualization dashboard

SOURCE: SAS

Greetings, insignificant souls.

You may call me … Gregor Castamere. It is not my true name. I stalked this strip of land when it was called New Amsterdam. My family’s name is well known. I have lived for more than 600 years, concealing my terrible secret. I am a vampire.

Why, after six centuries, would I risk my anonymity? I am in possession of such useful data visualization technology that I am compelled to share it with the world. The people of SAS were likewise … compelled, to provide this forum. They will be rewarded with their lives.

Today, I share with you my SAS dashboard. It contains information a vampire needs, at a glance, to hunt, feed and survive.

Perhaps you, my fodder, will glean insight from my data visualization and believe yourselves safer? Perhaps the representatives of Big Garlic believe I have tipped my hand in some way? Perhaps I have emboldened the slayers that nip at my heels like frustrated terriers? Or am I so confident in my power that I willingly share my most valuable information in a way that even the most simple of you can understand?

Note well, the following:

– If I must explain the special emphasis on sunrise and sunset times, then I assume you are devotees of the young adult … literature known as “Twilight.” Sunlight does not make our kind sparkle. We burst into flames and die horribly. My only hope is that if I should die by sunlight, I am holding the entire “Twilight” collection when I go.

– Even I, who witnessed New Amsterdam become New York and grow into one of the largest cities in the world, have difficulty locating places for a quick meal, or those hallowed locations my kind must avoid. A glance at my dashboard’s maps tells me all I need to know.

– Even as I share my favorite hunting grounds, I know you will still visit your popular night clubs. Your desire to be part of the hottest scene trumps your inclinations for self-preservation. I count on this and you have never disappointed.

– Slayers, do not let your “successes” fool you. You are simply depleting the number of fledgling vampires, which we create at a much higher rate than you destroy. Your efforts are for naught, your proposition foolish.

– Big Garlic, your corporate might is not insignificant and your “healthy garlic” propaganda effective. We will fight you until the last foul head and clove lie rotting in the dirt.

– It is useful, and consistently amusing, to view my word cloud and see what is “trending” about my kind. As long as the conversation is dominated by the likes of Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman, I know our existence remains safely obscured.

– You will also see that I am not unlike you in some ways. I have friends (though immortal), various interests in popular culture and I too must feed the government beast. I fear the tax collectors are also armed with SAS analytics, so I will be a good, little citizen to avoid detection.

– My version of the dashboard provides more details when I roll my cursor over the visualization. You mere mortals will have to live without these details.

Now, please peruse my  dashboard below. As thanks for their innovation, I will throw the SAS mortals a bone and encourage you to delve into dashboards for various industries, and you can also use that link to “try before you buy.” How deliciously quaint…